Moral Judgments: Do We Feel Before We Think?

Do you think that it is a woman's right to choose if she wants an abortion or are you pro-life? Do you think people should be able to have as many guns as they like or that we need increased gun regulation? Is Obamacare good for the country or is it catering in the end of America? These are all hot-button moral issues that have polarized our nation, with people on both sides claiming they are right and the other side is dead wrong. And if you ask proponents on any of these issues to explain to you why they are right, they will likely passionately provide you with a list of logical reasons that support their position. But have they truly arrived at their position based on logic, or are their emotions playing a part? As it turns out, it might be that their emotions are calling the shots far more than they would like to believe.

Psychologist Jonathan Haidt has conducted extensive research on how individuals arrive at conclusions regarding moral issues. His research suggests that people come to their positions on moral issues more by emotional intuition than logical reasoning. He calls this tendency for moral judgments to be drawn from emotional reactions "social intuitionism." Haidt claims that what actually happens is that we have emotional reactions to moral situations that provide us with our position, and that we then use logical thinking and reasoning post hoc to try to explain why we feel the way we do. So it appears that we in fact are making our decisions using emotion and then trying to justify why we think the way we do logically afterwards. Haidt displays this process beautifully in studies where he produces "moral dumbfounding," where people have strong emotional reactions to moral situations, but cannot provide logical reasons to support their position.

This can be unsettling to some, to the point that they do not want to believe that it is true. There is a strong bias to favor being logical and rational over being "emotional and irrational" in our society. People want to feel that their positions on significant moral issues are based on sound, logical reasoning and not some kind of emotional reaction. However, the evidence suggests that this is not the case. As a result, we must be aware that our moral conclusions should not be considered unchangeable as they are influenced by our emotional reactions, not pure logical reasoning. Haidt also finds that our automatic emotional reactions can evolve over time through discourse and interaction with the subject at hand. This should inspire us to engage in open, collaborative discourse regarding moral issues in order to reach better conclusions both for society and ourselves. And remember, your passion for your position on an issue might be more about your feelings than logical reasoning.

Warning to Parents: Don't Try to Make Your Children Happy

When it comes to their children, most parents think their job is to "make them happy," but they are wrong. Instead of trying to make their children happy, parents can best raise their children by validating and mirroring whatever emotions their children happen to be feeling. If your child is sad, don't try to immediately cheer him up. Rather, allow your child to feel the sadness, share it with you and you in turn can validate his experience of being sad. Unfortunately, parents usually think that if their child is sad, something is "wrong" and it is their duty to immediately "fix" the situation by making them happy. Additionally, parents tend to feel anxious or sad themselves when their child is sad or upset. Your child can pick up on this, and the consequence is that he begins to see his sad feelings as bad feelings. He then learns to hide or mask his "bad" feelings in order to make his parents content and happy. And because inevitably everyone will experience these "bad" feelings of anger and sadness at some point, he begins to believe that he is in some way bad or defective for having these feelings that make his parents upset. From this pattern children may also learn that to be in a relationship means to neglect their own needs at the expense of the other's needs, a pattern that is very difficult to unlearn and can affect their future relationships in adulthood. These concepts are beautifully illustrated in Alice Miller's classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child.

What a child needs most is to feel that all of her emotions are validated and accepted, and that she will be loved equally regardless of what she happens to be feeling. She can then embrace the full range of human emotions, knowing that they are all "good" feelings and that she is lovable having all of these feelings. This, in turn, will allow her to stay in touch with her emotions and lead to the development of a healthy self-concept and strong self-esteem. Your child will learn that not only are all of her emotions acceptable, but they serve a purpose. She will utilize her emotions to inform her and allow her to make sound decisions for herself in the future. If you have tolerance for your child's "bad" feelings, your child will learn to have tolerance for them, as well. The duty of parents isn't to make their children happy, it's to allow them to be human.

The Benefits of Being Bicultural

In my last post I discussed some of the challenges or obstacles that are posed by being bicultural. But as I mentioned, being bicultural does not have to be burden on the individual and actually has many potential benefits. To begin with, by being exposed significantly to two cultures, bicultural individuals can have more perspective and more to draw upon. This can allow those who are bicultural to be more aware of differences and similarities between individuals, and make them more sensitive, tolerant, and accepting of different people. Additionally, some research has found a relationship between biculturalism and creativity. This is line with the idea that being bicultural provides the individual with more perspective to draw upon from the two cultures and thus, more ways to approach a situation. Of course, you do not have to be bicultural to benefit from the increased perspective that exposure to other cultures can have, which I will touch upon at the end of this post. Getting back to bicultural individuals, what is it that can allow them to benefit from being bicultural while minimizing the potential negative effects? 

The answer may lie in what some researchers refer to as Bicultural Identity Integration. Bicultural Identity Integration is essentially the level that individuals experience and view their two cultures as compatible and complementary, and can fluidly move back between them. Someone high in Bicultural Identity Integration can easily and flexibly move back between the two cultures and finds a harmony within them, not viewing either as better or worse than the other. In contrast, those low in Bicultural Identity Integration tend to view the cultures as oppositional, conflicting and disparate. In the course of making decisions, living their lives and determining who they are, those who are low in Bicultural Identity Integration feel conflicted between their two cultures. Like virtually all components of identity, flexibility and fluidity between various aspects of our cultural identity leads to the healthiest outcome. The bicultural individual who views her two cultures as equal, complementary, and can see the good in both, can reap the benefits of being bicultural while avoiding the potential challenges.

We see that at the individual level, what is significant is how people view and feel about the different aspects of their cultural identity. In fact, this also relates to how we view cultures in general. There is a tendency to view our own culture as superior to others, with an ethnocentric bias. We can even have a negative emotional reaction to outside cultural values and feel that they are somehow less moral or just than our own values. But this is due to our ethnocentrism and automatic, innate emotional responses, not logical reasoning about morality. As we saw with bicultural individuals, the most beneficial mindset is to view all cultures as equal and good in their own way. By exposing ourselves to many cultures, we can actually multiply and expand the benefits of being bicultural by gleaning the good of as many cultures as we can, while expanding our perspective and awareness in the process. Biculturalism can be good but multiculturalism is even better. By looking at other cultures with a sense of openness and non-judgment, we can gather the best parts of each culture and incorporate them into our lives. This is all the more important as the world continues to move towards becoming more and more multicultural and eventually develops a human culture.

The Challenges of Being Bicultural

To follow-up on my last post on cultural identity, today's post will focus on those individuals who are exposed to two cultures, or what is referred to as being bicultural. Specifically, I am talking about immigrants and the children of immigrants who are exposed significantly to their familial culture and the host culture of where they are living. Being exposed to two cultures has its benefits, but also has its drawbacks. These drawbacks can occur as the individual navigates between the two cultures which can lead to potential challenges and conflicts. We can look at these challenges and conflicts on three levels: problems with society at large, within the smaller network of friends and family, and lastly, within oneself.

Level 1- Society: Something that all members of minority groups can experience is racism and discrimination. This is, of course, no different for bicultural individuals. Additionally, at times people who are bicultural may feel that they do not belong or fit in to either group, neither the host culture or their ethnic group. For example, the son of Japanese immigrants may be told (implicitly and explicitly) that he isn't quite American by the general public, and due to becoming more "Americanized" may also not quite fit in with members of the Japanese community. This can leave bicultural individuals isolated in an in-between no-man's land. (This experience can be even more pronounced in individuals who are biracial or multiracial).

Level 2- Friends/Family: The most significant challenge at the family level comes when there are differences in values between generations, resulting in intergenerational conflict. Due to differences in acculturation level, immigrant parents and their children generally hold different cultural values. And because cultural values include gender roles and expectations for individuals, differences between parents and children in cultural values can lead to significant conflict. For example, the daughter of Iranian immigrants would like to become a medical doctor, but her parents traditional values hold that she should not pursue her education and instead become a housewife. This can lead to considerable conflict and discord. The bicultural individual is left to navigate in the space between her own cultural values and those of her parents.

Level 3- Individual: Interestingly enough, for many bicultural individuals their biggest challenge comes not from the outside, but from within. Exposure to the two cultures can potentially result in identity confusion. Using the example above, the Iranian girl may feel torn between her parents' cultural view that she should become a housewife and the cultural view in America that encourages independence and individualism. She is both Iranian and American, and at times when the cultural values of the two diverge, she may be unsure who or what she is and what she truly wants. This identity confusion can be unsettling and difficult to resolve for some. 

This post might give off the impression that being bicultural is some kind of curse, but the truth is that being bicultural can actually be a very good thing. In my next post I will discuss the benefits of being bicultural and also what can contribute to resolving and overcoming the conflicts and challenges outlined in this post. 

Cultural Identity

"Who am I?" At different times in our lives we have likely pondered over that question. In psychological terms, the simplest answer to this question comes in the form of what we call identity. Our identities are multifaceted, spanning many different domains and categories. For example, your identity can include your gender, your sexual orientation, your religious affiliation (or lack thereof), your profession, and your ethnic and cultural background. All parts are not necessarily equal, as for different people various aspects of their identity will play a larger or smaller role in defining who they are. For one person being a gay man might be a big part of how he identifies himself, while for another being a Christian might be the most important part of her identity. All in all, it is the combination of these various aspects of the self that make up one’s identity.

For most people, and for society in general, a significant portion of overall identity comes from someone's cultural identity. This is reflected when people ask questions like "What is she?" when wanting to know a person's ethnic or cultural background. For better or worse, culture is a big part of how we define ourselves and others. So how is it that we get our cultural identity? The primary sources of our cultural identity come from our parents, family and environment. From our families we are explicitly told and we implicitly observe, learn and internalize their culture, or way of living. This includes values, traditions, gender roles, attitudes, etc. However, the story is slightly more complicated for those exposed to more than one culture. Immigrants and the children of immigrants are exposed to both their native or familial culture, and also to the culture of the dominant host country. For example, as an Iranian American, I have been exposed significantly to both my family's native Iranian culture and also to the mainstream American culture. This can be referred to as being bicultural. Overall, biculturalism can and should be a good thing, but that does not mean that it does not present us with certain obstacles and potential challenges. I will devote the next few posts to looking at the benefits and challenges of being bicultural in more detail.

When discussing biculturalism and the challenges faced by immigrants in general, it is important to first define and discuss the term acculturation. In its simplest form, acculturation is defined as the process by which an individual acquires, internalizes and adopts the values, beliefs, customs, language, and preferences of the host culture. For example, for an immigrant from Mexico now living in the U.S., acculturation would be the process by which they take in the American culture. This is what is sometimes colloquially referred to as becoming “Americanized.” Using this conception, acculturation was initially looked at as how much of the host culture was internalized by the individual. However, researchers in the field soon found this is to be a simplistic view of acculturation. To begin with, it assumes that as you gain the host culture, you must lose your original, ethnic culture. This is definitely not necessarily the case. Additionally, researchers have found that it is not a unidirectional process from unacculturated to assimilated, but rather a multidimensional and multifaceted process and phenomenon. To define an immigrant's cultural identity on one scale of "less American" to "more American" would be an incomplete picture. Furthermore, the complexity of acculturation is further demonstrated when one observes that it is a dynamic, two way process where both cultures are affecting each other. This can sometimes even lead to the development of a third culture (e.g., Chicano culture from Mexican Americans).

As you might expect (and might have experienced), the process of acculturation can come with some challenges and difficulties as the individual navigates between the two cultures. These challenges and difficulties produce what is termed acculturative stress. Studies have shown that the stress due to acculturation can lead to depression, anxiety, and somatic complaints. Acculturative stress is one of the factors that contribute to the challenges of being bicultural, which will be discussed in my next post.

Feeling Hopeless

To follow up on yesterday's post on suicide, I wanted to discuss one of the main reasons people become suicidal: feeling hopeless. Feeling hopeless means that we feel very down and see no way out or no way that things will get better. It's when we feel this doomed forever feeling that suicide seems like a viable option. As some put it, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But to the person, in that moment it does not feel temporary, and if they feel like they can't take feeling that way forever, they consider ending it all. What makes matters worse is that when we are feeling down and depressed, we have a negative bias to only see the bad and have a hard time seeing things getting better. This is why if you are feeling very down and hopeless, give yourself a little time before acting and talk to at least one person before you make any serious decisions. Many people who attempted suicide but survived say that they remember feeling so hopeless then, but are grateful they survived because now they have hope. They can recall that in that dark place everything seemed so dark and felt like it would be that way forever. Remember, there is always hope and there is always help. And again, if you or someone you know is suicidal, seek out professional help or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

Let's Talk About Suicide

Suicide is not an easy topic to talk about, and unfortunately it is too often avoided. Every year, nearly 40,000 lives are lost to suicide in the United States alone. Many of these suicides could have been prevented if only a conversation about suicide had taken place. There is an urgent need to increase the dialogue in this country about suicide and mental health issues in general. To begin with, suicidal thoughts are not rare; in fact, almost every one at some point in their life will have the thought of suicide cross their mind. This means that we should not be ashamed if we have a thought or are seriously considering suicide. It is more common than most people think and it is about time that we talk about it with our friends and loved ones as a common and acceptable feeling to have. So if you are feeling suicidal or the thought has crossed your mind, don't be afraid to seek the assistance of a friend, the help of a professional, or to reach out to a hotline (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255).

A common misconception about suicide is that if you ask someone if they are suicidal, you might actually introduce the idea into their head when they were not suicidal to begin with. This is not the case. Ask directly about suicide and even use the word "suicide" if you can. If your loved one is not suicidal, they will probably let you know that they aren't and will let you know how they are feeling. Additionally, if they do become suicidal in the future, they will know that they can come to you to talk about it. On the other hand, if your loved one is suicidal, they will very likely feel a huge sense of relief and will tell you just how bad things have been. The sense of relief can be so intense that they may even break down into tears (if they aren't crying already). And more importantly, you might have just saved your loved one's life. Remember, the costs of asking directly about suicide are almost none, but the cost of not asking can be the greatest cost of all.

The ultimate goal, of course, is to live in a world without suicide. To move toward this goal we must make suicide less of a taboo, allowing those suffering to feel more comfortable to share that they are suicidal, and making loving friends and family unafraid to ask directly about suicide. If we make it less of a taboo topic and the stigma attached to it begins to fade, we can bring about a significant reduction in the number of lives that are tragically lost to suicide each year.