Embracing Your Shadow

(Painting by Remedios Varo)

In yesterday's post, I talked about the shadow and how awareness and recognition of this "dark" part of our psyche can be beneficial to us. Today I will elaborate on the shadow to provide a more complete description of this complex psychic phenomenon. The implication in my last post was that the shadow is the "bad" part of ourselves and something we should learn to cope with or tolerate. This is true for the most part, but it is also important to mention that the shadow includes elements that are actually good or positive aspects of who we are. As I mentioned yesterday, our shadow consists of thoughts, feelings and impulses that we deem unacceptable. However, we might deem something as unacceptable that is actually a healthy part of being human. For example, for many people their shadow includes their anger, as they somehow came to the conclusion that it was not okay to feel or express their angry feelings. Maybe they had a rageful father and were so hurt by his anger that they desired to never be like him and cast their own anger away forever. Or conversely they were scolded anytime they showed even the slightest sign of being angry or upset and learned that anger is unacceptable. In both situations, the individual has learned to ignore their anger and eventually represses it, causing it to gradually become part of their hidden shadow. However, anger is a natural human emotion and denying that part of ourselves means we are denying part of what makes us whole, complete individuals. As long as we express our anger in a way that is not destructive to ourself or others, it is healthy for us to be in touch with our anger. The healthiest individuals are those who can integrate and incorporate all parts of themselves into a unified whole. Until we achieve awareness and acceptance of all parts of ourselves, including our shadow, we cannot achieve this integration. Integration allows us to get in touch with our true self, as we allow all aspects of our true self to emerge unencumbered by potential judgments from within. When we accept and embrace the full gauntlet of human emotions, we can respond genuinely in all situations and in all of our relationships. Additionally, when we learn to accept the various aspects of our own psyche, we also become more tolerant and accepting of the various aspects of others' psyches as well. We become more accepting of people, allowing them the space to be who they truly are. Intolerance within breeds intolerance without, and likewise acceptance within breeds acceptance without.