You Can't Outrun Your Own Shadow

 



(Painting by Remedios Varo)

 

We all like to hear compliments about our strengths and to think about the good parts of ourselves. There is, of course, nothing wrong with this. However, what is equally important, if not even more important, is to know and recognize our weaknesses and the "bad" parts of ourselves. When I talk about strengths and weaknesses here, I am not talking about whether or not we are good at drawing or bad at cooking (both of which I am pretty bad at), even though knowing these strengths and weaknesses can be helpful. Instead, I am focusing on the strengths and weakness of our character and psyche. Am I a generally kind person, a jealous person, am I conscientious, do I enjoy closeness or fear intimacy? Having awareness of these aspects of ourselves is extremely beneficial for our relationships with others, and also, for the most important relationship, the one we have with ourselves. When it comes to our psyche and emotional world, recognition and awareness of the negative aspects is even more important than the positive ones. This negative, or dark portion of our psyche is sometimes referred to as our shadow. Our shadows can consist of feelings of inadequacy, the desire for power, lust, greed, envy, rage, or any other thought, feeling or impulse we deem unacceptable. Most people, most of the time are trying their best to avoid seeing and being aware of their emotional shadow. The reason why our shadows tend to remain hidden to us is that we don't like to look at them. We put a lot of energy to find ways to ignore them or pretend they do not exist. Like virtually anything we try to avoid , the avoidance itself causes new problems, and the original issue is not addressed and continues to exist. And so, as much as we try to avoid our shadows, pretend they do not exist, or look the other way, certain as the sun, our shadows remain behind us. Knowing our shadows and understanding where they come from can allow us to reduce the harm they cause to ourselves and our relationships. Genuine introspection and psychotherapy are two ways to better understand your complete psyche, including your shadow. The better we know ourselves, (the good, the bad, and the ugly), the better our chances of happiness and success in all domains of our lives. You can't outrun your own shadow, you can only learn how best to live it.